Debra with her son Trevor
Success Stories: Debra
I remember waves of fear rushing through me whenever he walked through the door. I never knew what would set him off. Would it be the meal I cooked for supper or the dirty fork I left in the sink? Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that it was my fault and that I had to be punished.
I met him when I was 15 years old. The first of our four children was born when I was 19. Over the 12 years we were together, I lost count of how many times my children cried with me as their father tended my wounds, promising over and over never to hurt me again.
Outside we were the perfect family. I was the envy of the neighborhood. Everyone wanted my life. No one, not even my mother and grandmother, knew about my broken bones, cuts, and burns. My living nightmare was a closely guarded secret.
I tried to leave many times, but he’d threaten me and my family saying, “If I can’t have you, no one else will—leave me and you’ll cry tears of blood.” I was terrified for my life and the lives of my children, my mother and my grandmother. This man gagged me, tied me up and left me in the basement for two weeks without food or water. Everyone, including my children, thought I was away visiting his relatives. His threats were very real.
One beating triggered a seizure disorder that put me in a coma for three months. Only then did my mother and grandmother discover the truth. He was gone when I woke up, and my family thought my nightmare was over. But, in reality, it had just begun.
My left side was paralyzed. My children were living with me, but I could only watch helplessly as my mother, grandmother and sisters took turns taking care of them and me. Eventually, with the help of physical therapy and my family’s support, my physical health improved. But my mental health was another story. I was terrified that he would return to hurt me and my family.
I saw shadows in the windows and had nightmares every night. I was at the lowest point in my life and tried to commit suicide many times, always believing that my children and my family would be safer without me.
I owe my life to Anna Robinson, my therapist at The Providence Center. I met Anna over six years ago and continue to see her twice a week to this day. No words can express my gratitude to Anna for the countless hours she spent with me as I cried and worked through feelings of shame and despair. We talked about so many things, like the time he tried to come back into my life and my son found me crying and asked me if “daddy came back to hit me again.” How strange it was that the sight of my son so young and helpless and the sound of a simple word like again gave me the strength to realize that we’d danced the dance one too many times.
A few years ago, I decided it was time for me to do something for myself. I wanted to become a U. S. citizen, get a GED and find a job. It was time to move on and become a positive role model for my children. Once again, The Providence Center was there to help.
Kenia Richards and Melissa Rossi, employment and education counselors at The Providence Center, not only helped me to enroll in GED classes and apply for citizenship, but also encouraged me to take a training in Microsoft Office and office procedures offered at ProMail, a vocational program of The Providence Center.
This was a very busy time in my life. I attended classes at ProMail in the morning, took care of my children in the afternoon and went to GED classes in the evening. At night, my oldest son helped me to study after he finished his homework. I’m sure my children will never forget the CD I used to study for the citizenship exam. We listened to it every time we went anywhere in the car. I don’t know how many times they said, “Oh, no, mommy, not again!” I played it over 1,000 times. They could recite every word.
On February 5, 2010, I was sworn in as a U. S. citizen. When I took the test, the woman said that I knew more about American history than she did! I was very proud. I received my GED last May and started taking classes full time at CCRI in September. My goal is to become an administrative assistant at a hospital or medical office.
My children are very proud of me. We are a team. We do homework together, and they help out by cleaning their rooms and taking care of each other. I’m as proud of them as they are of me.
My family and I have a long way to go. The physical scars are healed but the emotional scars may never heal. It’s a daily struggle for us, but with the help of The Providence Center, we have hope for a life free of fear and pain and a future filled with amazing possibilities.
Debra